thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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