So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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