Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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