i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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