either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
