Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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