me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
