Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
