actually, I'm a sock model
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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