you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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