she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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