Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I have already put on my inside pants.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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