It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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