I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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