I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
