I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
