She's JV to your varsity
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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