what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
