my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
