Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
