What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
