My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
