would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
