the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Someone came in the potted fern
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
