So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
