we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
