sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
