he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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