You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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