I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
