He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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