is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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