apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
