I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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