i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
