Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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