you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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