Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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