I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
