Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
