you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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