i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
