I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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