OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
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