Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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