I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
