Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
