Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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