i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
