Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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