He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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