We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
