ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
