Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
