i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
