I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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