I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
