im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
