We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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