This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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