I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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