Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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