Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I wish there were birth control emojis
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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