Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
