peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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