who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so explain again why im purple
no
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
