im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
and she was petting her beer can
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
