I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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