a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
