I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
