Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize