Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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