Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
