i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
