i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
