Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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