Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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