I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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