The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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