filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
