rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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