Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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