Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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