dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's shark week go big or go home
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize