My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
