I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
