The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
