So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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