No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
