I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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